The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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