Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
