At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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