Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
