Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
