The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
