So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
