I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
