well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
