I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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