the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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