weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
