We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
