Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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