I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
