I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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