oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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