Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize