just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
