We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
