you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize