See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
