note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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