No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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