remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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