i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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