He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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