Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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