I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
