We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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