first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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