so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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