Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
