i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
