I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Less talking, more tequila
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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