happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
