My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
