i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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