ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
