I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
