I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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