He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
