Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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