from now on my penis is your penis
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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