i jhust puked up my retainher.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
