I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
