just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
