Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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