What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
