He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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