She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
