My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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