just come out here and I will go home with you...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
