Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
