hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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