Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
