I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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