She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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