took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
