we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
