So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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