college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He? As in you personified your dick?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
