I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
