in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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