i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
