i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
