I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
