end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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