her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
