please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
