so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
