it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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