Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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