ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
