It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
