dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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