My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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