ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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